but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
