But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
