Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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