Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
