I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
