I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
