he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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