that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
