Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
