I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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