Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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