Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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