proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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