my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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