Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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