I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
