dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
