So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
