i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize