Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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