Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
