Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
