I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
