I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
