i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
