Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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