unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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