My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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