Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize