its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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