I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
