david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
