everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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