Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
