matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
