you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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