shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
