Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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