He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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