Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
