he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Randomize
