on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
