When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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