My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
