I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
