We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
