Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
