he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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