eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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