i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
