Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Couch. On fire.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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