woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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