i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
