You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
