my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
