i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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