I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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