how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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