I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
