I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
