i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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