what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
