I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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