someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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