dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
