I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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