She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
