Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
